Sunday, July 11, 2010

Topsy Turvy® Can Kiss My Asparagus

"Ready to discover the easiest way to garden?" Do tell, oh great Bill Felknor, you agricultural genius and creator of inverted 'mater makin'. What's that you say? Growing tomato plants upside down is the next best thing since sliced bread and the Flowbee? Oh my goodness, this is amazing. Wait, peppers and strawberries, too? Herbs and cucumbers? This is revolutionary. We're living in a world where everything is flipped on its head. Does this mean pineapple upside down cake is now just pineapple cake?

Alright, enough with the sarcasm.

Don't be fooled by this next "As Seen On TV" sensation. If the best way to grow produce was upside down, Mother Nature would have figured that out long before Billy was even a sprout. Fact of the matter is, growing tomatoes right-side up is more productive and cheaper. All I have to do is look in the backyard for proof.
The Bottom Two Tomatoes Are Slightly Bigger Than A Baseball

If you look at the reviews for the TT on the internet, you get a range of comments....a lot of them on the not-so-good end. People complain of small fruits, constant maintenance, difficult assembly, heavy weight, slow growth, etc. One person even said the plants started growing upwards.

It's supposed to protect from fungus, animals, and other pests. Really? My biggest nuisance is birds. So you're telling me a plant in the air is less likely to get attacked by my feathery foes because it's CLOSER to them? Riiiiiiight.

Here's what I know from my experience this year alone. I have four tomato plants. Two of them I grew from seeds. And the tomatoes on those plants are much bigger than anything that gimmicky plant could grow.

The Way Tomato Plants Should Look

Second, at $10 per tomato set-up (not including shipping and handling), plus a water wand to reach the higher root system, plus the special turvy tomato food, plus all the gear to hang the dumb thing up, plus all the same expenses I'd pay for plants, soil, and animal protection.... well, it's not hard to do the math. NOTE: I paid $4/pot and $5/metal stake two years ago. Those will last me for several growing seasons. The TT bag would be lucky to make it a couple summers.

In the end, you'd be paying a lot more for tomatoes that aren't as good as ones grown the old-fashioned way. That's more money you could spend on a Sham-Wow to wipe up your tears of disappointment over crappy tomatoes.

Do yourself a favor: keep the dirt in the dirt and the tomato vines reaching for the sky.

3 comments:

The Good Cook said...

I'm with you on this one. I bought one last year just for fun and to see what I would get. BLAH. I planted grape tomatoes in it and not only were they small, I think we picked like 5 compared to the grape tomato plants in the ground that literally produced hundreds!

Scott B. said...

I totally agree. I tried tomatoes and jalapenos in the two that i bought four years ago. i think i got one grape sized tomato (from what was supposed to be a beefsteak tomato plant) and about 10-12 peppers, only one of which was bigger than my thumb. The rest were very small. a major disappointment.

Tattriee said...

Respectfully, I have to disagree. Our experience has been nothing but good and we're enjoying a heavy crop of tomatoes right now.

We live in Arizona, at 5000 feet elevation. And, tomatoes, like most green leafy things, typically don't love living here.

We bought the first Topsy Turvy planter on a whim, and put in a couple of scrawny seedlings (sweet 100s and pear tomatoes). We used decent potting soil, supplemented with fertilizer as directed, and eventually set up a basic, inexpensive drip-system.

As the first set of tomato plants worked so well, we bought a few more--the type with the ports in the sides for herbs. We planted lemon thyme, five types of basil, oregano, tarragon, pineapple sage, peppermint, and lemon balm. We put tomato plants into the bottom of each planter--several varieties.

All our plants have thrived. The planters are not even visible now under the herbs. And, NOTHING green thrives down here in the summer. People driving by stop and stare. Several have backed up or driven around the block for a second look. Pedestrians stop and ask questions about all the greenery hanging off our back patio.

With minimal care, and a decent amount of water (about a gallon a day, per planter) we have had a bumper-crop of tomatoes, chiles (habaneros, cow horn, Anaheim, serranos, jalapenos, and Thai chiles) eggplants and herbs.

Yes, the planters are pricy. About $10 a pop. But, we're used to paying a premium for icky, pink styrofoam pseudo-tomatoes down here. $4/pound for tasteless, rubbery tomato impersonators is pretty typical.

Next year, we have every intention of growing again the same way, although we're planning to use some heirloom varieties and grow from seed. Maybe in the "real" world where green leafy things don't commit mass-suicide in May, Topsy Turvy planters are too high-maintenance. But, where we live, they're worth the effort.